Photo of Giorgio Parisi by Francesca Maiolino

I love this old post we shared at Elf last year! I loved physics from 7th to 9th grade. AP-ed out for fast-track pre-med. But now I am discovering new parts I love again! It is wonderful and eye-opening.

https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/physics/2021/parisi/184861-parisi-interview-february-2022/

I relate to Giorgio Parisi and like his gentle humor. :) He reminds me of my mom’s family - the spirit of intellectual curiosity and discussion we always had. I look forward to meeting him someday. :)

Since I first wrote this post, I have had quite a few personal epiphanies and grown a lot in ways I needed to. Looking back, if I were to do things again, I would have majored in physics and computer science, played in a band on the weekend, and gone to MIT. After graduating high school, I wanted a broader liberal arts education and science. Emory was a good fit for this, but MIT or Stanford would have been better for me. Along that note, I should have gone to college at 13 and finished by 17. I was always fast...and forever slowing down. I deserved to go at full speed in my studies and many other aspects and not hold myself back.

Looking back, I did not want to upset some difficult people — both in my direct family and associations. I sacrificed a lot for them. I do not regret ever doing good, but giving up things I excel in to please anyone is wrong.

On that note, I was engaged to and almost married a guy who just kept taking from me and put me down. I am giving, and my mom raised me to be kind and generous. However, that guy went too far. I took care of him, his family, and his friends - all of them older than me. Going out with him and enduring all those unhealthy people was awful. Not walking away from his parasitic behavior was a mistake I made. Without a doubt, this was the worst decision I have ever made - tolerating that!

People who really love you will never hold you back from achieving. Passive aggressive behavior, combined with other destructive behaviors, including manipulating and playing the victim, can be terrible to experience. It is also confusing. He would be nice for a few days in a year, and then go back to strange behaviors. The guy that I dated not only harmed me, but also was very controlling and behaved in unconscionable, immoral ways. These things harm the psyche. Even my dog did not want to be left alone with him.

He felt insecure and put me down for being intelligent. He compared me to other women and put me down to gain control, even though I was helping him in his life. I even sorted problems out he had with his family and smoothed things out on his behalf.

I know firsthand the horrors of enduring this and how it hurts your confidence. I could teach a masterclass on it — what to avoid.

If I were still in that relationship, I would be constantly apologizing for his behavior and feeling downtrodden while failing to be myself. I'm so grateful to be free of all of it!

Thankfully, I did not marry the guy. Still, it took a while for the scars to heal, to de-clog from all the nonsense I had absorbed, remove all the oppressive experiences from my consciousness, to get back to who I was before I met him and endured him, his family, and all the bad associations he had! I learned the hard way that no matter how good you are and how much good you do, you cannot make anyone good.

Or as Charlie Munger, former Vice Chairman of Berkshire Hathaway, someone I look up to even now after he has passed and whose advice I treasure, says perfectly, “Get toxic people out of your life.”

Two positives from this experience are first, that I speak up for myself better and second, that I recognize the signs of this behavior in people instantly — all in varying degrees — and stay clear.

I also learned that while I was selfless and generous to the extreme, I still made one enormous mistake — one by omission. It is the fact that I stayed and endured it all. I believe in loyalty, but I also know firsthand that who you choose to be with and ultimately marry has to be your equal. Sacrifice must be a temporary salve, never a permanent fixture of a relationship. I love to heal and rescue, but that is not my primary role in a relationship.

Like Steve Jobs said perfectly at Stanford in 2005, “Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it.”

With my early good upbringing and abilities and achievements at such a young age, you would have thought I would have achieved so much by now! However, bad company really can set you back. Bad company can include friends and family — anyone exerting a strong influence and possibly control over your life and the decisions you make or accept. You can’t make anyone good, no matter how hard you try. They have to come to you that way.

I learned my lesson and am grateful to have my life back. I have a lot to do and time to make up for!

So now on to better things! My life has improved so much since. I am awake now too : D

From Ted Lasso: “Be a goldfish.” Such simple but incredible advice helps me get unstuck and not ruminate too much on what cannot be changed.

Now, on to happiness and high achievement — without apology and without being less.

From my life, I will say, don’t ever apologize for being bright! ⭐️ Reach up!! As far as you can! 😊💋

I will surely make up for all lost time now.

A love of science is a love of discovery! A love of film is a love of storytelling! A love of music connects you to everything with a heartbeat, and possibly more…

Thinking clearly and being myself today is peaceful. I will never take this freedom for granted again. Like Nikola Tesla, I like to think 💭 in my mind for a while before I create. I am eager to make up for all lost time now!

The more honest I am, the happier and lighter I feel! Simple. 🙏🏻❤️ Frees me up to actually live - now in my middle age! But I hope in telling you all this, it may help you too. 😊

MY AUNT, THE UNSPOKEN BRILLIANT MATHEMATICIAN

A Love of Physics