I recently started training in a dojo again. It has been a VERY long time and I had forgotten most things apart from basic blocking and simple throws. I first learned some martial arts back at Emory at 17 and I really enjoyed the flow of movement and also the confidence I had when I was able to throw a 200 pound 6 foot 4 guy! Ha ha. I was really skinny too :)
In my life, I have seen and experienced aggression like anyone else. I was very protected at home and had a sheltered upbringing, but going out in the world at 16 for college, I got to see more. After graduating from college, I was shocked by the brutality in people who can behave in such cruel ways to each other, nonchalantly and without any conscience.
I did not know then how to deal with aggression. Some of the most aggressive people I have found are not physically so. They do it in underhand ways, often behind the scenes and often manipulating other people to get their way.
This makes it all the more amazing when you meet someone genuinely good! You just got to run up and hug them! :) I am happy they exist!
It has been almost 14 years, but my old Swiss boyfriend who I dated when I lived in Europe, Olivier, taught me many things. He was a very loving person (still is!) and insisted that I have some method of self-protection.
I didn't think I needed it then, but now I see how good that is to have! I love sports anyways, but doing this, I find it also empowering.
I did date a person who was passive aggressive when I came back home. Through him and his family, I endured a lot of hell. I was younger than all of them, but found myself supporting my boyfriend and at times, his family. They were ungrateful, self-centered and highly critical of everyone, while wanting what they had. It was a very toxic environment.
I did not say no to them, but gave even more!
In my own family, I had never been exposed to such bad behavior. I did not know how to respond. I am also very loyal.
I also found that this kind of aggression is very common and even considered acceptable, when you are in the wrong company!
I learned a lot about myself because even if you have a great life, if you accept negativity and aggression from people, you will have a lower quality of life and it can do serious damage to you. I also learned that my natural optimism cannot save everyone and that I need to have better boundaries in place!
There are times you should not be patient and understanding because you allow people to act badly repeatedly without holding them accountable.
After all, there are over 9 billion people on this planet. I am really loyal but it is best to be loyal to be people of good character and integrity - nothing less!
I also know that when you let go of a person or group of people who are negative in your life, everything associated with them goes too. You may have developed an attachment to that and found some good parts in it, but it all goes. You have to let it go to give space for the REAL GOOD in your life to appear!
That is the biggest lesson I have learned from it, in addition to having good boundaries. It has helped me identify aggression in people within minutes of meeting them. It has helped me overcome problems and set boundaries with individuals and businesses as well.
My experience is long over and I am thankful to have my beautiful, good life back! :) I am also dating the right person for me who fully understands and supports me. I am vey happy and thankful for this. It is so amazing and I feel thankful every day! Just sanity, happiness and goodness again. It's been a long time too but I will never forget the lessons I learned.
Recently, a few female friends have told me of similar experiences. I see this everywhere and so many people tell me about experiencing things like this.
I also have noticed that every woman who is genuinely happy and self-confident in relationships, has overcome such experiences or at the very least, has such strong self-confidence that she recognizes it before it happens and stops it ahead of time!
This can also pertain to men who may have given generously and experienced an abuse of power in a relationship - whether it is personal or at work. This dynamic is certainly not limited to personal relationships.
It is when you directly face aggression and say no to it - that you overcome it! It's when you know what your boundaries are that you can set limits with others, whoever they may be.
When you are clear on these things, you are also able to identify when people have agendas or are not behaving honestly and lack integrity. This lesson applies to everything in life.
Building a great life is not enough. You have to protect it too and you have to be comfortable saying no. You must have some courage. :)
Also, I love the Wonder Woman film that is out! We were so due for that! I have not seen it yet, but the trailers look amazing and I can't wait!
For a long time I have thought, we need a Wonder Woman who deals with the day to day! So much of actual evil is in daily pettiness and cruelty. I think that is what wears people down. I even pictured doing a cartoon/comic strip for it.
Who knows, maybe I will? A little humor helps!
But for every person who has come to me with similar situations, I hope my sharing this helps you overcome negative experiences and to be strong enough to say no to such people and such environments that breed an unhealthy culture.
The physical training at a dojo alone is fantastic! But the practice also disciplines your mind and helps you gain clarity on who you are and what you need to do in your life. I have always found that I enjoy almost any exercise after the first 30 min! Ha ha. Sometimes I need to push myself to get started, but it is huge afterwards.
