Writing is something I feel compelled to do every day. When I was a little kid, I wrote and drew pretty equally. Today I write a lot for work. It is not as creative as I would wish it to be. I do love the creative part of thinking for a business and the strategy involved.
When I draw, it calls upon a different set of skills. It's kind of effortless in a way. I listen to music when I draw and it helps me go deeper into any drawing, design or illustration. I usually draw or design feeling a little edgy, excited and overall a sense of happiness and good feeling.
Doing both is heavenly. I imagine many people in the entertainment business do that, which is what attracts me to that industry. You get to do work you love every day.
I can design all day especially these days and feel so satisfied inside that I don't feel the need to speak aloud. It is kind of an internal experience but everyone can see how happy I am and I do feel like I contribute better in any social thing after I have designed something.
Writing is different for me. There is a bit of agony involved, a bit of ecstasy. There is an intense desire and feeling that wakes me up in the middle of the night or early morning and demands to be written. It can happen in the shower or on a walk or in the middle of a seminar I am attending. I am filled with a strong burning sensation inside and I feel compelled to write. It hurts. It feels electric and yet I feel I must do it. There is an excitement to it and I sometimes feel my insides might explode if I did not get the ideas out on to paper. I write because if I didn't, I think I would die.
I have grown up in a healthy loving home as sheltered as possible by my mother before I ventured out into the world. Even in that, I chose privacy and the companionship of a few. These days I feel a lightness and happiness from being loved and connected. It's similar to my early childhood and that's beatific. There is balance and harmony in that.
But the burning desire still awakens me. It calls and demands to be heard. Thus I write. It is usually effortless. It comes from something inside me and from a powerful force beyond me as well. It has been this way since I was a little girl. I thought at the time that everyone was like that and that the imagination was a giant lying under the bed waiting to be heard. I thought everyone had a secret like that, waiting to unfold.
There is a sense of exhilaration and honesty and a sensation of breathlessness that I feel every time I get closer to expressing what's inside...Writing is very liberating. It's also demanding. But I know these days, that as I write, I come closer to the person I intended to be early on. Braver. More willing to take risks. More willing to go further than I know.
I write because I have to. I write because if I did not write, I would die. I write because when I write, I feel so alive and closer to the truth of what my life is about and why I am here to begin with. I write because it connects me to people everywhere and a sense of shared community. I write because I hope that I can touch their hearts or open their minds to new experiences. I write in the hope of learning new things, meeting new people and exploring new places. I write because I am curious. I write because it is fast, easy and effortless. I write because I am restless.